Today's Top 10

1. I had a conversation with myself when I was 8 years old.  One or two weeks into the 3^rd grade, I was informed that I didn’t fit in.  You see, 3^rd grade Southern New England boys at recess are almost the same as those encountered on a stroll down either certain portions of 125^th Street, or a holding room at a Motown open call.  I told myself, “Self, we are going to escape for hours into my Mr. Blackstone’s Magic Kit.  And then they’ll like me.”  Spells, potions, and junior prestidigitation were going to get me out of that 3^rd grade shame and loneliness.  To anyone who’s never really fit in:  To someone else …you laugh too loud, you’ve got the wrong hair, you walk too proud, or your jeans are too tight – What was your magic trick?

1. Sometimes, under my breath, if you listen really hard, to this day, you’ll hear me whispering “abracadabra”.

2. Try to use the phrase “far be it from me…” in conversation with people this week.  It’s hard.  Keep score.

3. You do not have 3 days to do anything.  You do not need to riff into your web-cam.  You do not need to pour a bucket of ice water on your head.  100 days is not how happy you have to be.  You do not have to be challenged by a friend.  You do not have to challenge a friend.  What happens next is never heartbreaking.  The judges may have been shocked, but I never really am.  These are some of the things I’ve learned from adding the word “media” to something else called “social”.

4. “There’s only one good life.  And that’s the life you know you want and you make it for yourself.” – Diana Vreeland

5. I sat in a tiny dressing room with several people recently who had replaced the words “Hello” and “How are you?” with “My book deal…”, “You’re getting so much press…”, and “Is the champagne free?”  And it wasn’t even difficult for me to go out on stage and simply do my job.

6. When “Black” is your only joke, I grow tired of your “ish”.

7. The Bros at the security desk never stop me to check my bag unless I’m leaving The W Hotel with one of my female co-workers.  They let me come and go without saying a word to me as I weave my way through to get to my spa.  If I leave with one of “my girls”, we are instantly stopped and bags are checked, while there’s a simple knowing look shared between me and the young Bros in their Macy’s 1-day sale suits.  The way to steal things is just to be gay?  Or a little slight?  Here’s to being less than.

8. Pussy jokes, fart jokes, & blow-job jokes in your best black woman accent have really been on the rise.  Found a niche, if you will.  There will always be 20-something gay men to praise these efforts.  Kudos. 

9. I’m taking hold of my everything in a way that I never have.  I wish the same on absolutely everyone.

10. Some people have called me shady.  I’m not, but you never know when The Lord is going to call you.

Top #10 (The Celebrity Edition)

1. I have yet to fully find the relevance in an Ariana Grande.

2. John Legend sure does know how to blandly beat someone to the punch, doesn’t he?

3. P!ink can do no wrong.  A folk album?  Yes.

4. Remember when Kesha was spelled Ke$ha?  Where is he?  I saw her juding a singing competition in a clear heel a few months ago, but that was the last I saw of him.

5. Does Nick Cannon know that the first wrong turn was actually “Drumline”?

6. You should all know that I’ve forgiven Kelly Price for her behavior on Season 1 of R&B Divas LA.

7. No one misses Nell Carter like I miss Nell Carter.  Have you seen the video of her singing “Back In The High Life Again”?  I love it so.  That black, white, and occasionally gold lamé floor-length gown wears me out.

8. Go back and study Kate Bush when you have a moment.

9. She didn’t sing, but I’m still having a very hard time accepting a world without Joan Rivers.

10. Lying in bed on a Sunday morning trying to figure out which Pointer Sister is singing lead on which song will always be one of my favorite pastimes.  

Top #10

1. I am sometimes irrationally afraid of being alone.  Do not think that I am lonely.  I am not.  The celebration of my occasionally fierce independence is something I will always get behind.  Yet, sometimes, I can agonize, sweat, and wake up crying over just how alone I feel.  Like I want to crawl up inside of the precious few, whom I call friend, and hope they can shield me, while I nourish them like a hearty meal.

2. I do not wear clothes often.  Rarely at all.  I have taken my clothing off before I’ve finished getting in the door.

3. “But it’s all the way in Jersey” and “How often are you in ‘the’ city?” Are statements/questions that show me more about you than me.

4. I desperately want to have children.  Being a father someday is very important to me.  And not just because I will need someone to bring me the remote.

5. Every other month I play through the entire John Thompson piano series (Grades 1 through 7 or 8).  These are the books from which I learned to play the piano.  Gorgeous classical music from the original books my teacher gave me starting at age 7.  Her handwriting is still in most of them (in pencil).  With each piece I feel like a child again.  The fingering still lives inside my body.  And I can remember what age I was as I learned each piece.  I close the door to my music room and play all day if I can.  It is one of my favorite days.

6. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I will sit on my fire escape, look at the stars, or watch the sun come up, or have a secret cigarette.  This is when writing means the most to me.

7. Being able to make anyone laugh is important to me.

8. If anyone ever asks you to sing/dance/play/share your art, do it.  There will come a time when someone doesn’t ask you and it will hurt your feelings.

9. I will turn 40 next year.

10. I return to it and to you because I only remember how you made me feel.  I cannot write the words you said or didn’t.  That would not be fair.  I will only write the way that I felt when I woke up and you were not there anymore.