Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Top 10. A Day Late, and 6'5" in heels.


Saying it.  Top 10’ing it.  Leaving it all behind.

  1. There are cinematic pairings that remind me of portions of my relationship with my sisters Melissa H. and Amy Lynn Z-H.  Sometimes I think of us as a spell-casting family looking for and navigating through love as if we were versions of Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock in “Practical Magic”.  Other times, and if we’ve remained seated through our first 2 martinis, we could be a ragtag group of unlikely bank robbers lead by a very fierce Queen Latifah in “Set It Off”.  Since I’ve met them, I have had visions of us buying a convertible and bringing utter havoc to some desert region of the country in a mix up of “Thelma & Louise” with “Too Wong Foo: Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar”.  If sisters we are, then sisters we be – as long as I am the Jessica Lange in “Crimes of the Heart” sister.  And maybe the movie hasn’t been written yet.  That’s for the best.  That would mean our story was over and had already happened.  I love these women.  And I respect, honor, and celebrate the thing we will always have.

  1. Swimming in a sea of wonderful things to be thankful for over the past weekend, I was still involved in a small hit and run, and I’d like to clear it up now, once and for ever.  Mass texts, individual texts, emails, phone calls, Facebook wall-postings; all of these were used last week to send forms of impersonal well-wishings on TGives to many.  An old friend, who I don’t feel like naming (oddly) reached out to me via text.  The text read:

    1. “Boo, I miss you.  I wanted to wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving and to let you know how thankful I am for you.  I hate that I haven’t seen you in forever.  This job is killing me.  Can we fix that soon?  When can we catch up?  I really miss you.  I can’t wait to hear what you did to Curtis and that other fool.”

                                               i.     I thought I had finished weeding through the gossip queens earlier this year.  Alas, a few are still swimming.

                                             ii.     Hopefully, this will be the last time I mention this highly insignificant (only in terms of social hierarchy) situation.

1.     It is easier to make a known “bad-guy” like me continue to be the “bad guy”, than to have the curtain pulled back on yourself to reveal the truth.  Curtis Wiley was caught in a lie.  He and I are no longer friends.  People can stop asking me about it.



  1. I have a friend.  His name is Vinnie.  Brother.  Sister.  Best Friend.  Confidant.  Traveling Companion.   Fitting Room Advisor.  Question Asker.  Video Game Player.  Food Sharer.  We love to eat.  It’s probably best that no one ever follows through with our invitations to our annual trip to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, because the food shaming I feel an outsider would give us is not fair.  We’ve never ordered two meals each.  Never.  If you can ever eat yourself into a food coma at the table with a friend, a friend who will also undo his top button at the table with you, then you’ve found someone who is supposed to be in your life always.  30 days hath November, right?  Well, I’m not doing that ridiculous 30 days of thanks crap that people are doing.  I've never been happier to see December 1st.  There are too many days in the year for me to just section off one and dedicate to how glad I am that Vinnie is in my life.  The ledges I have stood perched upon (balancing ever so carefully atop my already shaky soapbox) have been not so scary knowing that he is in my corner, and I will always be in his.  And even if I do leap from said ledge, I know that somehow he’d make it down to wherever I landed and help to put back the pieces of whatever part of me was destroyed in the fall.  This bond is something to honor every day.

  1. I usually bring a book with me to make it through any sort of family, holiday function.  Last week I chose to read “August: Osage County”.  Choosing to read through that Act 2 dining room scene just minutes before Thanksgiving Dinner was, at first glance, not a wise decision.  Who could have imagined dinner would have gone so smoothly?  You don’t usually get your feelings hurt until lunch the next day anyway.

  1. For someone who claims not to like people, I certainly do seem to like what I do.  There is a strange thing called "sympathy" when someone walks into your room to get on your table and they have an injury.  Pain and Stress, which are sisters themselves, show up in every fiber of our five minute meeting.  When I see your body relax on my table, hear you lightly snoring, or even see a slight smile on your almost sleeping face, I know I have done my job.  It is more rewarding than I knew it could be.

  1. Don’t they all “shock the judges”?  So, why did you really post the clip?  And when can it stop?

  1. She WILL show up to something if it’s free won’t she?
    1. And stop liking/commenting on things from 3 months ago.  Girl, pick up the phone and say "Hi".

  1. Erin Biddle-Sirop and I used to pound the pavement like feminist warriors.  Teammates.  Rebels.  Listening to the best music ever.  I just found a mix tape, and I’m going IN.



  1. I see you using Instagram for porn.  I’m not judging you.  I just want you to know that I see you.

  1. I’m taking a break from all social media.  I’m taking a break from all social media.  I’m taking a break from all social media.  I’m taking a break from all social media.  I’m taking a break from all social media.  I’m taking a break from all social media. 

    1. I had to type it out a few times to make it sound true to myself.  It is unhealthy in a lot of ways.  I like music with instructions in it.  I’ve been pretty damn happy recently, and I’d like to follow what The System said in, I believe, 1987.  “Don’t Disturb This Groove”.  I won’t be deleting any profiles, and there are some things already scheduled to be posted, but these will be done by the end of the week.  I may even take a picture and file it somewhere.  Who knows?  I’m unsure what my rules are just yet.
 
    1. I may write a bit.  None of this can be done without remarking that I will miss checking in on the people and things I care about in that way we all do on social media.  I will even miss the people and things we outwardly say we don’t care about, but continue to stalk.  I don’t care what you ate for dinner, or what your Christmas tree looks like, but sometimes I actually do.  There’s the battle.  So, who wins here?  I don’t know how long the break will be or what I will learn.  The “Hey, I can quit anytime I want” speech that most addicts give is all I hope to test for now.

    1. If you need me, I’ll be available via email (remember that old nugget) at jjamesj@gmail.com or you could actually call me…if you have yet to block my phone number.

                                               i.     “If you need me, me and Neil will be hanging out with the dream king.” 



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