Nothing [Twenty14] is more beautiful than you.

Tired of thinking
that nothing is beautiful
& I do believe what happens next
The judges may've been shocked
but I wasn't
I wasn't even impressed

I don't hear much about the
kardashians
since Kim's ass popped
that champagne.
I hear Bruce is simply
standing in the corner
making a mighty change

You marched
or you wore a Santa suit
Or you didn't
because it's too cold.
Playboy bunnies
from 30 years ago
have press conferences
to hold

Your King/Queen
met the duke/duchess
at a center named Barclay,
which I hear one of them owns
Are we talking about
the pregnancy yet
or are divorce rumors
still in the fold?

There are posts about
Christmas parties
& trees
& soon
the resolutions will win.
Shade, On Fleek, Tunrt Up, or THOT
Where do I begin?

I used to laugh
and bemoan
those family Christmas letters
You know
Like your Auntie's year in review.
A year of a life
About which
nothing I knew

I cried last week
Because my phone didn't ring.
(Maybe I shouldn't
tell you that)
I shouldn't tell you
how important
you are to see.
I thought I'd shown you
just as clearly as you've shown me.

Nothing is beautiful.
And the judges are never right.
Live tweeting a musical is what's on
the docket tonight.

I'm trying very hard
for the next little while
to stay over here
and cook.

Just stay
over here
and cook.

something like
the last,
which has turned into
the new.
Which is
something I am/will be
Equally proud of too.

I used to think mattered
If you tried to see it
That I was more important
than your
Instagram porn.
You see, what doesn't matter to you,
still matters much to me.
And nothing is
more beautiful
than when it's you I see.

I cannot wait to live
with the man I love.
And to build up our home
The way he builds
me up
when I am down
Feeling less than above.

Carrots grown
too close together
in a garden
intertwine
but they still make
a damn good soup.
Some would even say
Divine.

You are there.
You have always been there.
Because that
is where I placed you.
And my therapist
is teaching me,
like my father too,
to spend more time
in furtive soil.
Things don't grow
in rocky,
un-tended turmoil.

And the judges are never right.
And the kardashians are still around.
And it's Christmas (without the parties)
In this silly little town.

I am excited for what is coming.
And blessed for what has been
(That's "blessed" without
the hashtag)
Like Jesus without the sin.

And you are here
Because I placed you there.
And nothing
was/is
more beautiful
than you.

Today's Top 10

1. I had a conversation with myself when I was 8 years old.  One or two weeks into the 3^rd grade, I was informed that I didn’t fit in.  You see, 3^rd grade Southern New England boys at recess are almost the same as those encountered on a stroll down either certain portions of 125^th Street, or a holding room at a Motown open call.  I told myself, “Self, we are going to escape for hours into my Mr. Blackstone’s Magic Kit.  And then they’ll like me.”  Spells, potions, and junior prestidigitation were going to get me out of that 3^rd grade shame and loneliness.  To anyone who’s never really fit in:  To someone else …you laugh too loud, you’ve got the wrong hair, you walk too proud, or your jeans are too tight – What was your magic trick?

1. Sometimes, under my breath, if you listen really hard, to this day, you’ll hear me whispering “abracadabra”.

2. Try to use the phrase “far be it from me…” in conversation with people this week.  It’s hard.  Keep score.

3. You do not have 3 days to do anything.  You do not need to riff into your web-cam.  You do not need to pour a bucket of ice water on your head.  100 days is not how happy you have to be.  You do not have to be challenged by a friend.  You do not have to challenge a friend.  What happens next is never heartbreaking.  The judges may have been shocked, but I never really am.  These are some of the things I’ve learned from adding the word “media” to something else called “social”.

4. “There’s only one good life.  And that’s the life you know you want and you make it for yourself.” – Diana Vreeland

5. I sat in a tiny dressing room with several people recently who had replaced the words “Hello” and “How are you?” with “My book deal…”, “You’re getting so much press…”, and “Is the champagne free?”  And it wasn’t even difficult for me to go out on stage and simply do my job.

6. When “Black” is your only joke, I grow tired of your “ish”.

7. The Bros at the security desk never stop me to check my bag unless I’m leaving The W Hotel with one of my female co-workers.  They let me come and go without saying a word to me as I weave my way through to get to my spa.  If I leave with one of “my girls”, we are instantly stopped and bags are checked, while there’s a simple knowing look shared between me and the young Bros in their Macy’s 1-day sale suits.  The way to steal things is just to be gay?  Or a little slight?  Here’s to being less than.

8. Pussy jokes, fart jokes, & blow-job jokes in your best black woman accent have really been on the rise.  Found a niche, if you will.  There will always be 20-something gay men to praise these efforts.  Kudos. 

9. I’m taking hold of my everything in a way that I never have.  I wish the same on absolutely everyone.

10. Some people have called me shady.  I’m not, but you never know when The Lord is going to call you.

Top #10 (The Celebrity Edition)

1. I have yet to fully find the relevance in an Ariana Grande.

2. John Legend sure does know how to blandly beat someone to the punch, doesn’t he?

3. P!ink can do no wrong.  A folk album?  Yes.

4. Remember when Kesha was spelled Ke$ha?  Where is he?  I saw her juding a singing competition in a clear heel a few months ago, but that was the last I saw of him.

5. Does Nick Cannon know that the first wrong turn was actually “Drumline”?

6. You should all know that I’ve forgiven Kelly Price for her behavior on Season 1 of R&B Divas LA.

7. No one misses Nell Carter like I miss Nell Carter.  Have you seen the video of her singing “Back In The High Life Again”?  I love it so.  That black, white, and occasionally gold lamé floor-length gown wears me out.

8. Go back and study Kate Bush when you have a moment.

9. She didn’t sing, but I’m still having a very hard time accepting a world without Joan Rivers.

10. Lying in bed on a Sunday morning trying to figure out which Pointer Sister is singing lead on which song will always be one of my favorite pastimes.  

Top #10

1. I am sometimes irrationally afraid of being alone.  Do not think that I am lonely.  I am not.  The celebration of my occasionally fierce independence is something I will always get behind.  Yet, sometimes, I can agonize, sweat, and wake up crying over just how alone I feel.  Like I want to crawl up inside of the precious few, whom I call friend, and hope they can shield me, while I nourish them like a hearty meal.

2. I do not wear clothes often.  Rarely at all.  I have taken my clothing off before I’ve finished getting in the door.

3. “But it’s all the way in Jersey” and “How often are you in ‘the’ city?” Are statements/questions that show me more about you than me.

4. I desperately want to have children.  Being a father someday is very important to me.  And not just because I will need someone to bring me the remote.

5. Every other month I play through the entire John Thompson piano series (Grades 1 through 7 or 8).  These are the books from which I learned to play the piano.  Gorgeous classical music from the original books my teacher gave me starting at age 7.  Her handwriting is still in most of them (in pencil).  With each piece I feel like a child again.  The fingering still lives inside my body.  And I can remember what age I was as I learned each piece.  I close the door to my music room and play all day if I can.  It is one of my favorite days.

6. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I will sit on my fire escape, look at the stars, or watch the sun come up, or have a secret cigarette.  This is when writing means the most to me.

7. Being able to make anyone laugh is important to me.

8. If anyone ever asks you to sing/dance/play/share your art, do it.  There will come a time when someone doesn’t ask you and it will hurt your feelings.

9. I will turn 40 next year.

10. I return to it and to you because I only remember how you made me feel.  I cannot write the words you said or didn’t.  That would not be fair.  I will only write the way that I felt when I woke up and you were not there anymore.

Notes to self (w/ Diane Sawyer)

But it's been months since you've had anything to say.  Why now?

Well, Diane, it's about having an outlet.  I've been so happy these last few months, and have been creating the entire time.  You get rid of the negative, soul-draining forces in your life & only spend time with those you love.  But you must always be creating.  

Where have you been?  And where are you now?

Diane.  Sweet, Diane.  I've been writing.  If you're not taking notes while you're dumbing it down to fit in, then you're not advancing.  I'm trying to do a little bit of everything.  The first few days I just sat at the piano until it had something to say.  Now I thought I'd bring back this old gem.  

(The above interview is from a private, late night phone call between the artist and Ms. Sawyer never meant to be released.  The entire transcript can be found HERE.  The ongoing Twitter feud between the artist and Ms. Sawyer can be found HERE.)

*** *** *** 

Things/Headlines that are on the table:

• 100 Days of Self-Serving Forced Happiness

• The Return of The Black Glitterati (aka:  Darkie, Where Have You Been?)

• Study Reveals:  Time Spent on Buzzfeed Quizzes Will Always Be Time Spent Alone

• It's Still My Fault That You're an Asshole

• Top 10 Returns Just In Time for Kim-dependence Day

• Confessions:  In life, I neither want to Follow or be Liked.  But I'd like you to Follow me and Like me.  Is this the reason I'm not getting pregnant?

Talk

I wanna talk about race

I wanna talk about race & the way

         that I felt when my 1^st cousins

         on my father’s side of the family

         use to blame me for growing up

         in the suburbs & telling me

         I sounded too white.

The way my cousins on my mother’s side of the family

         used to make fun of my voice

         because it was so high.

                  They said I sounded like Michael Jackson.

I wanna talk about race

I wanna talk about being black & being gay

         & the way that some black folks

                  Some out of work black folks

         Speak in ½ truths about each other

         dripped in ¼ truths about the bible

         & ¼ truths from a church

                  that doesn’t want anything to do with them.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that I don’t know

         much about gospel singers.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way I had to learn

         the 4 riffs I know

         & would modulate them into any key.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that I could modulate them into any other key

         because I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Music

                  when some others can’t even read it

         & my minor was in piano.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that sometimes

         I feel so alone.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that I can’t seem to get

         a black person to enter my home

         let alone invite me to brunch.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way I hate

         that I live with a cat.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that Miss Dihann Carrol

         once told Aaron Spelling

         “What your show needs is a Black Bitch.

         I’d like to be that Black Bitch.”

         & thus Dominique Deveraux was born.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that I like being black with a “C-K”

         & not a “Q-U-E”

                  Cuz those are fools who take it to church

while they sing love songs

                  to women they don’t wanna sleep with.

I wanna talk about race

         & how the only representation I see of myself

         on the screen

         on the stage

         tells me I have to be

         the clown, the drag queen, or the down-low thug

& I don’t like lace fronts

         or Timberlands

         And I just don’t do “Kinky Boots”

         So, what am I supposed to wear?

I wanna talk about race

         & how I swear I’m trying

         just as hard as I’m being tried.

If you promise you’ll meet me at the table

         I promise I’ll bring the champagne.

         Is the idea that we could all get along just too much to handle?

I wanna have a conversation about race

I wanna talk about race.  I wanna talk about race.

Go somewhere.

Go somewhere
"Go somewhere, and sat'down"
That's what my mama used to say.

Go somewhere
Go somewhere and do something
Find a place to be
Full of people who
Trust you back

Go somewhere
Go somewhere and do everything
That feels right
Don't hurt the weak of heart
Leave the unintelligent alone
Be smart with yourself
And your art

Go somewhere
And believe in everything
You put out there

Don't try to work
With someone
Who's never had a job.

Go somewhere
And sat'down
Tell every story
Cook for every friend
Give your man a hug

Get down
Off your float
And go home.
Don't worry about the shiftless

Go somewhere
"Go somewhere and sat'down"
That's what my mama used to say.