Wednesday, February 17, 2016

For White Girls Who Became Life Coaches When 16 Bars Wasn't Enuff

I should give you some idea how my brain works.  Maybe if you can decipher it, you could check back and let me know if you've figured it out.

Oftentimes, things show up in random one or two-line sentences, which I will later expand on.  I never know what they are for.  And then I go back to look at my notes and have either a good laugh or a good cringe.

Here are some examples:

Offensive Christmas Carol Ideas:

"Angel, Girl, We Heard You Was High"
"We Three Ho's of Orient Is"
"Silent Night, Except For The Sirens"
"Why Come, All Ye Faithful?"

Drag Queen Names:
Japanime Bullock 
- She does all Tina Turner music in full kabuki drag.  Wooden block shoes and all.

Meredith Baxter-Gurney
- Drag dressed as various TV moms from the 80s (but mostly the mom from "Family Ties").  There's a weird horror-movie vibe too. Maybe she a bit of a lesbian.

Things Celebrities Need to Know (aka:  Tweet them)

Keenan Ivory Wayans
-He really should have is own line of Quinoa. Keenan's Wah.

Tori Amos & Andy Dick
- An entire re-branding of "Amos & Andy" cookies and desserts.  Maybe with a drunken faery theme.
- With the complete understanding that Andy Dick is not a responsible person and these could also be done solely by Tori as Tori Famous Amos, but then she'd have to be in blackface.
Gabourey Sidibe 

- I would love for her to have a line of Old Bay seasoning.  This is mostly, in part, about how much I enjoy saying Gabourey Sidibe's Old Bay Seasonings.

***Understand that this entire thing really could go on for days from "Raquel Welch's Grape Juice" to "Jodi Foster Parenting", but you have to understand, my brain is busy.

New Play Idea:
"For White Girls Who Became Life Coaches When 16 Bars Wasn't Enuff"

On Acceptance:
Accepting the differences in each other.  
You offered me this tea.
I accepted that there's no bourbon in it. 


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