Monday, February 15, 2016

No Worries, Mate. #Becky



To:  34 year old vegan, Rebbekah, who always says "No worries"

From:  Everyone else.

There's always a tone to what you are saying [STOP]

Like you're saving the world with each sing-songy rant you go on [STOP]

It is like the digestive system you claim to be saving by not ingesting that "icky, awful meat" [STOP]

For all of your "save the world", I theorize that you may not actually care [STOP]

You are not Australian  [STOP]

They actually sound sincere [STOP]

For the love of God [STOP]



(An exercise)
If you're playing at home:
Replace the phrase "No worries" with the following:

"That's OK.  I'm not really effected by you anyway.  You are not important to my battle.  Oh, are you still talking?"


And let's see what happens:

[Scene 1:  Interior either Starbucks, a farmer's market, Whole Foods, Trader Joe's (on a Sunday), or Brunch.  B1 and B2, dressed in maxi-dresses, Ugg boots, and large brimmed hats barely covering their fresh blow-outs, with hair cascading over their large, bug-eyed sunglasses.] 

B1:  Hi. 

B2:  Hi.

B1:  So, I've got some bad news.  I like totally can't come to your dad's funeral this Sunday.  I've got like a huge report I have to write for my boss.

B2:  No worries. 

B1:  God, you're like SO understanding.  Thanks.  And that dress looks great on you.

***We've all either witnessed or been a part of something along these lines.  Right?  Well, let's try it again, and see what happens with this new change.



[Scene 1A:  Interior ...hasn't changed.  Maybe add an Urban Outfitters or a Club Monaco.  It's still Sunday though.  Maxi-dresses are now worn year-round, so that's still ok.  I'm not sure if I mentioned the vocal-fry... So, use lots of that too if you can.  Everything else stays the same.]

B1:  Hi.

B2:  Hi. 

B1:  So, I've got some bad news.  I like totally can't come to your dad's funeral this Sunday.  I've got like a huge report I have to write for my boss.

B2:  That's OK.  I'm not really effected by you anyway.  You are not important to my battle.

B1:  God, you're like SO understanding.  Thanks.  And that dress looks great on you.

B2:  Oh, are you still talking?

***See.  Nothing's really changed.  Sure, I switched the order of some things.  But what we first have to realize is that typically "B" is never listening to anyone else other than "B".  B1 is clearly selfish.  I mean, how dare she, right?  B2 has barely gotten through her grief.  No B would ever be phased by this slight change.  If you're still out there using this "No worries", slap this phrase in it's place and go on about your day, ladies.  There are maxi's to be worn, and decaf, skim lattes to be had.  Good luck!

[FULL STOP] 

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