Monday, February 22, 2016

I'm not petrified of silence .... #AniDifranco #RobertaFlack #Dan

I'm leaving for vacation in the morning.  Although, by the time you read this, I will have already been there for a full 24 hours.  I'll be in my turquoise tankini sipping something out of a coconut.  Talk about the space continuum.

I know I try to set aside Sundays for music, by this isn't just about the music.  It's about the spaces.  The silences.  Those times when you can feel like you're about to burst because you just have to say something.  It's difficult to sit in that.

These are a few places I feel joy.

The space between the "T" at the end of "First" and the "T" at the beginning of "Time" in Roberta Flack's The First Time (Ever I Saw Your Face).

It happens around the 30 second mark here:

The first ......time I heard this, I was in the middle of a "relationship" (please note my quotation marks.  His wife would like it that way) with an emotionally unavailable child during my early college years.  The space between the T's was nothing compared to the distance between us.  Damn I was gay.

She was always consistent with it too.  Even live....

Next up....
Silence, right?  The space between things, people, all of it.

My favorite comma in all the English language was used by Mr. Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.  It's after the 3 Act play of the word "Ignored".

Can't miss it:
(For some reason, I'm unable to post the actual video.... hmmm)  But here's a link to MY FAVORITE COMMA)

Then I think about what it's like when you don't feel forced to fill a room with the sound of your own foghorn... I mean "voice".  Someone you can just sit with is such a joy.  I can't predict the future, but I'm probably doing that right now.

Listen to this song I used to love (Today is still close to Sunday, so I'm gonna talk about music) in college.  It's back when I was a huge lesbian and loved Ani Difranco.  This is one of the songs that set it off for me.

I want somebody who sees the pointlessness
And still keeps their purpose in mind
I want somebody who has a tortured soul
Some of the time

I want somebody who will either put out for me
Or put me out of my misery
Or maybe just put it all the words
And make me go, you know
I never heard it put that way
Make me go, what did you just say?

I want somebody who can hold my interest
Hold it an' never let it fall
Someone who can flatten you
With a kiss that hits like a fist
Or a sentence that stops me
Like a brick wall

If you hear me talking
Listen to what I'm not saying
If you hear me playing guitar
Listen to what I'm not playing

Don't ask me to put words
To all the silences I wrote
And don't ask me to put words
To all the spaces between notes

In fact if you have to ask
Forget it, you'll regret it
I'm tired of being the interesting one
I'm tired of having fun for two

Just lay yourself on the line
And I might lay myself down by you
But don't sit behind your eyes
And wait for me to surprise you

I want somebody who can
Make me scream until it's funny
Give me a run for my money
I want someone who can twist me up in knots

Tell me, for the woman who has everything
What have you got?
I want someone who's not afraid of me
Or anyone else
In other words, I want someone
Who's not afraid of themself

Do you, do you, do you think I'm, I'm asking too much?
Do you think I am asking too much?
What do you think, I'm asking too much?
Oh, yet do you think I'm asking too much?
What do you think, I'm asking too much?

That, that, do you think I'm asking too much?
What do you think, I'm asking too much?
Oh, do you think I'm asking too much?
What do you think, I'm asking too much?
Do you think, I'm asking too much?

Picture it.  1995.  Summer.  The havoc.  I was every lesbian.  Parts of it will always be true.  I just didn't know what it would become.  This picture is from a few months before that cd first came out.  And probably around the same time that I did.  I'll forgive the cigarette if you forgive my hair.  You can't see it, but my jewelry was already legendary.  Ok.  I've gotta get back to this coconut.  But warned though...Tomorrow may be more music.

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