Top #10

1. I am sometimes irrationally afraid of being alone.  Do not think that I am lonely.  I am not.  The celebration of my occasionally fierce independence is something I will always get behind.  Yet, sometimes, I can agonize, sweat, and wake up crying over just how alone I feel.  Like I want to crawl up inside of the precious few, whom I call friend, and hope they can shield me, while I nourish them like a hearty meal.

2. I do not wear clothes often.  Rarely at all.  I have taken my clothing off before I’ve finished getting in the door.

3. “But it’s all the way in Jersey” and “How often are you in ‘the’ city?” Are statements/questions that show me more about you than me.

4. I desperately want to have children.  Being a father someday is very important to me.  And not just because I will need someone to bring me the remote.

5. Every other month I play through the entire John Thompson piano series (Grades 1 through 7 or 8).  These are the books from which I learned to play the piano.  Gorgeous classical music from the original books my teacher gave me starting at age 7.  Her handwriting is still in most of them (in pencil).  With each piece I feel like a child again.  The fingering still lives inside my body.  And I can remember what age I was as I learned each piece.  I close the door to my music room and play all day if I can.  It is one of my favorite days.

6. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I will sit on my fire escape, look at the stars, or watch the sun come up, or have a secret cigarette.  This is when writing means the most to me.

7. Being able to make anyone laugh is important to me.

8. If anyone ever asks you to sing/dance/play/share your art, do it.  There will come a time when someone doesn’t ask you and it will hurt your feelings.

9. I will turn 40 next year.

10. I return to it and to you because I only remember how you made me feel.  I cannot write the words you said or didn’t.  That would not be fair.  I will only write the way that I felt when I woke up and you were not there anymore.

Notes to self (w/ Diane Sawyer)

But it's been months since you've had anything to say.  Why now?

Well, Diane, it's about having an outlet.  I've been so happy these last few months, and have been creating the entire time.  You get rid of the negative, soul-draining forces in your life & only spend time with those you love.  But you must always be creating.  

Where have you been?  And where are you now?

Diane.  Sweet, Diane.  I've been writing.  If you're not taking notes while you're dumbing it down to fit in, then you're not advancing.  I'm trying to do a little bit of everything.  The first few days I just sat at the piano until it had something to say.  Now I thought I'd bring back this old gem.  

(The above interview is from a private, late night phone call between the artist and Ms. Sawyer never meant to be released.  The entire transcript can be found HERE.  The ongoing Twitter feud between the artist and Ms. Sawyer can be found HERE.)

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Things/Headlines that are on the table:

• 100 Days of Self-Serving Forced Happiness

• The Return of The Black Glitterati (aka:  Darkie, Where Have You Been?)

• Study Reveals:  Time Spent on Buzzfeed Quizzes Will Always Be Time Spent Alone

• It's Still My Fault That You're an Asshole

• Top 10 Returns Just In Time for Kim-dependence Day

• Confessions:  In life, I neither want to Follow or be Liked.  But I'd like you to Follow me and Like me.  Is this the reason I'm not getting pregnant?

Talk

I wanna talk about race

I wanna talk about race & the way

         that I felt when my 1^st cousins

         on my father’s side of the family

         use to blame me for growing up

         in the suburbs & telling me

         I sounded too white.

The way my cousins on my mother’s side of the family

         used to make fun of my voice

         because it was so high.

                  They said I sounded like Michael Jackson.

I wanna talk about race

I wanna talk about being black & being gay

         & the way that some black folks

                  Some out of work black folks

         Speak in ½ truths about each other

         dripped in ¼ truths about the bible

         & ¼ truths from a church

                  that doesn’t want anything to do with them.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that I don’t know

         much about gospel singers.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way I had to learn

         the 4 riffs I know

         & would modulate them into any key.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that I could modulate them into any other key

         because I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Music

                  when some others can’t even read it

         & my minor was in piano.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that sometimes

         I feel so alone.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that I can’t seem to get

         a black person to enter my home

         let alone invite me to brunch.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way I hate

         that I live with a cat.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that Miss Dihann Carrol

         once told Aaron Spelling

         “What your show needs is a Black Bitch.

         I’d like to be that Black Bitch.”

         & thus Dominique Deveraux was born.

I wanna talk about race

         & the way that I like being black with a “C-K”

         & not a “Q-U-E”

                  Cuz those are fools who take it to church

while they sing love songs

                  to women they don’t wanna sleep with.

I wanna talk about race

         & how the only representation I see of myself

         on the screen

         on the stage

         tells me I have to be

         the clown, the drag queen, or the down-low thug

& I don’t like lace fronts

         or Timberlands

         And I just don’t do “Kinky Boots”

         So, what am I supposed to wear?

I wanna talk about race

         & how I swear I’m trying

         just as hard as I’m being tried.

If you promise you’ll meet me at the table

         I promise I’ll bring the champagne.

         Is the idea that we could all get along just too much to handle?

I wanna have a conversation about race

I wanna talk about race.  I wanna talk about race.

Go somewhere.

Go somewhere
"Go somewhere, and sat'down"
That's what my mama used to say.

Go somewhere
Go somewhere and do something
Find a place to be
Full of people who
Trust you back

Go somewhere
Go somewhere and do everything
That feels right
Don't hurt the weak of heart
Leave the unintelligent alone
Be smart with yourself
And your art

Go somewhere
And believe in everything
You put out there

Don't try to work
With someone
Who's never had a job.

Go somewhere
And sat'down
Tell every story
Cook for every friend
Give your man a hug

Get down
Off your float
And go home.
Don't worry about the shiftless

Go somewhere
"Go somewhere and sat'down"
That's what my mama used to say.